I’m currently attempting to solicit a donation from Oleg Deripaska so I can get an extra page on this site and maybe give you some free stuff. It’s not illegal for me to accept foreign donations and I haven’t been indiscreet about any dinner party conversations, so come on Oleg, where’s the bleeding cheque?
What an absolute prize nobber George Osborne must be. I went to lunch with my mate Alan today. We had fish. It was lovely, although we were both a bit hungover. I had a glass of wine, however, and he didn’t. Who’s the real man now Alan eh? It’s me and it didn’t even give me a headache, though I did have a quick snooze while he popped to the lav. The waitresses commented on it, which was embarrassing. Was I snoring? Dribbling? Fidgeting inappropriately? Even that would not have been as bad as Georgie ‘Bigmouth’ Osborne. He’s even managed to make Mandelson look cool, while he’s the naughty schoolboy hauled off for punishment. And what’s worse is he’s not being given a right good thrashing by the headmaster, he’s being whacked with a cane by the rich bully boy of the class who shouldn’t have the authority, but in reality controls the place.
The veneer of respectability Cameron has tried to pull over his party disappears before our eyes with the publication of those Bullingdon Club photos. And it shows how influential these people still are. The one that’s a worryingly small stone’s throw from real power is called an ‘Oik’ for going to a lesser public school than Rothschild. And when I looked at the date of the photo, I discovered they were both at university at the same time as me. And I’m an inter-continental ballistic missile’s range away from power. In Manchester. Where’s the justice? Gordon Brown… this is something you need to address. Sod the credit crunch. I want real power now. If politicians don’t do what I want, I’m going to hire a barge on the Thames with a big PA, moor up by the Houses of Parliament and busk singing silly songs about them all until the do. Okay?
I think this is an important issue and I’d like to write more about it, but it’s very late and I should head to bed, contemplate my existence and sleep. By the way, if you were in Hull – thank you. If you came to the Manchester show, thank you too. Gigs have been lots of fun recently so let’s keep on popping.
Thanks
Matt
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